Monday, June 13, 2011

The man with no feet . . .

My dad has many, many quirks, one of them being all of these sayings that he just conjured up over the years. That and his Sean Connery voice which is just hysterical.

So one of these sayings is, "I used to worry about having no shoes until I met the man with no feet." Throughout my childhood I cringed every time I heard that phrase. I think you could hear the groans across the borough of Brooklyn from our house. Six kids all groaning at the same time because of the stupid (we thought) shit their dad said.

Well it wasn't stupid, it wasn't even fake. It's real. I used to worry. I used to worry about Seth having DS and all these medical issues but there comes a time where you realize that there is worse. That other people have it harder. That others struggle more and still manage to have a smile on their face. That I should be grateful that Seth is doing so well, that he can walk and talk and sign and knows his ABC's and 123's because there are kids who will never walk or talk. There are kids who will never function above a year old mentally. There are parents who look at Seth and see all their kid is not or might not ever be.

And that amazes me. Because I look at "typical" kids and see the same thing sometimes. All that Seth will never be. Because Seth is many things and will be so much more but he will NEVER EVER be typical. Never. He will always have that one extra chromosome. And that saddens me.

But here is the guilt, always the underlying guilt . . . Seth is great and is doing well. How dare I worry about having no shoes?? Can I look other parents in the eye and complain about things that seem so trivial to them? Can I look into myself and say "Shanna it's not so bad". Some days I can. Others I, well I lose it.

This week has been one of those weeks. I mean I'm an emotional wreck this week. I've been crying and laughing maniacally all week. DS has got me down this week (pun always totally intended). It's put me in a bad mood. That mixed with hormones (yeah that lovely time) is a bad mixture. It will all settle down soon and once again I will go to this happy place of everything being normal. But how long will normal last this time?? How long to go before I start bitching about having no shoes again?

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