Monday, July 25, 2011

Dear Jehovah God,

I was raised a portion of my life as a Jehovah's Witness and part of that upbringing was being told the importance of God's name. Jehovah. It sounded like when I was praying I was talking to him directly, not some "God" that everyone else had, but my very own personal God. No one else I knew called him Jehovah, it made Him my own, special friend. And I needed Him during my childhood, needed Him growing up, but as I got older I needed Him less and less. I would like to think it's because He has guided me to where/who I'm supposed to be in life.

I know I've been lax in the prayer department, I know I haven't sought your help when I should have, I know I haven't put all of my struggles on your shoulders like you ask us to do. I know I haven't had a conversation with you for a very long time, at least not one that doesn't involve blame and hate and not understanding on my part. So for once in my life God, here's a prayer that isn't asking for anything.

Dear Jehovah God,

I would like to thank you first and foremost for strength, the strength I have everyday to get up and live another day happy and healthy and safe. I would like to thank you for having food in my refrigerator, clothes on my back, a bed to sleep in, a roof over my head and family to love. I have heat in the winter and air conditioning in the summer. I have legs to walk with and arms to hug with.I have access to medical help for me and my son when we are sick and need it. I have friends with good listening ears and love in their hearts.

Onto the not so basics. Seth has more toys and DVD's then he can ever want or need. I have books to read and video games to play. I have a clean backyard to sit and enjoy the sun, rain or snow. I had a free college education and the chance to become a teacher and I want you to know that I'm taking advantage of that and that I'm doing it. I am. I'm going to be a teacher, thanks to you. I have a spouse that loves me for who I am and is my partner and best friend in life. He's a great person. He's amazing. He makes me laugh and smile and we have great conversations.

You gave me parents, while not perfect, realized that education was the most important thing and pushed their children to succeed where they could not. You gave my mom the strength to go to college at 50 years old and accomplish amazing things. I have three great sisters (yeah we have our issues) and two brothers whom I love very much. I have a handsome nephew and a slew of cousins and aunts and uncles. I have support and I have love. I have a Down Syndrome family online full of men and women who are there to hold my hand through a difficult time in my life. I thank you for them.

I really want to thank you for Seth. Because there are places in this world where my child, a child with Down Syndrome are thrown away without hope or love or food or any basic necessities. And here we are, here Seth is, able to thrive and learn and grow, all because we have the means to. I often think about this Jehovah, I often think about what would have happened if Seth was born to any family but ours, in any country but this. And I cry, partially out of sadness for all those kids who aren't given a chance, but also out of thankfulness that Seth has a chance in this life, to have a good life.

Seth's eyes shine when he smiles and laughs and looks at me. Jehovah I never thought I wanted to be a mom growing up, never thought I was quite mom material. Thank you for giving me the experience of being a mom. It's the best feeling ever. One person in this world who is such an intrinsic part of who you are, a being that you are forever connected with, there is nothing like that feeling. Nothing. I feel loved everyday by Seth and he has been my greatest teacher and another best friend. We laugh together, we discover together, we learn about the world while we hold hands and share thoughts. I feel an overwhelming sense of pride and accomplishment in being Seth's mom. I'm good at it. Thank you for giving me that.

Jehovah, I've been ungrateful lately. I'm sorry. I really am thankful for all I have in life. Thank you.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

4 comments:

  1. Ahh, this was nice to read. I grew up Mormon, and even though I have not followed that faith in many, many years...I still believe in prayer, and I still believe in thanking God for all that I have been blessed with :) Nice post!

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  4. Thanks for your prayer.
    I have been experiencing a major financial meltdown for over 2 years now and was angry for the decisions I made that got me in this mess. If I am completely honest, I was mad at Jehovah for allowing me to go through this. I lost my mother the day after Mother’s day (May 13) and I had to borrow $ to catch a bus 1300 miles away to attend funeral.
    Then I come home depressed and lonely. I looked at my bank acct and it was $-800.00 due to the state garnishing my bank acct. from a business I registered and just did not report that I was not doing anything with the DBA, so I got fined $900 to my surprise.
    I have no friends; no one calls me but bill collectors so I don't answer my phone. And I have a daughter away at college struggling because I can't help her financially and we have to communicate on Facebook since she has no cell phone.
    I am unemployed and getting some unemployment benefits but the fine I incurred wiped out my benefit basically leaving me with no money for 2 months now. My car is 2 months past due, my house note will not be paid, insurance lapsed, HOA bill 2 yrs. behind, can't pay utilities, buy food, get medication for my diabetes & HBP, and severe allergies etc. even though I am getting unemployment check since May 3rd. I am penniless and but don't qualify for welfare.
    I am educated with an MBA but can't buy a job and not sure why. The only jobs I had since August 2010 was this past September 2012 is a temp job and then another temp job at Jackson Hewitt (Jan. to April) paying $9/hr. part time and my basic bills exceed $2300/mo.
    So compared to my life your absolutely blessed. But, then I went sleep refusing to eat, angry, bitter and crying but awakened with my dogs and felt better. Like I felt I have some hope. It is a weird peace. So, Jehovah is giving me peace even though I can't see what is going to happen to me next week. I wiped out my 401K and was able to tend to my Mom with a terminal illness before putting her in hospice in Ohio. And I was able to get to her funeral last week.
    I do have food and they have not cut off my utilities or reposes my car yet. I still have my house and was refinanced with a special program and I was able to make my May payment before the government garnishes my account.
    I did get a call from an insurance company for a job this week. A JW member loaned me $1500 to fix my transmission on my car. I have the internet and of course the bible scriptures and a JW member to call that I study with. I guess God’s grace; Jehovah God’s grace is all I really need. So, thanks Jehovah for sustaining me and letting me know that you provide for me even when my financial situation is dismal. In Jesus name, Amen.

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