Wednesday, August 24, 2011

A Taste of Victory

My victory to be clear. My very own personal success. I'm proud of Seth and all he has done but I think as moms we sometimes downplay our roles, our struggles and yes, even our successes, our little victories. So here is my not so little victory, something I've been working for, struggling for, for a very long time.

Last week I found out that I passed the last of three teaching certification exams. I did it. I passed them all, I did well, I can move on and do more with my life now, I can complete that part of me that says, "life isn't only about being a mom". And for those who know me, those who have known me, my biggest struggle with being a mom, especially one to a child that has special needs, is that I don't only want to be a mom, I don't want my whole world to revolve around this child, it's just not for me. Some women are fulfilled by motherhood, and in a way I am too, but not completely, not really. I need more, I want more. I love going out each day and working and learning and growing as my very own person, independent from our little family.

Okay so some of you are going to say "So what so you passed three silly tests, what of it?" Well no I didn't just pass three silly tests, don't you dare trivialize my moment here!! See when I found out I was pregnant with Seth I had one year left of college. One year. But when you are going to become a teacher that one year isn't just one year of classes, oh no it wouldn't be that simple for me, it's one year of classes and student teaching. A whole year of teaching which you do not get paid for in any way, shape or form. Your're lucky if your cooperating teacher is even nice to you and thanks you for the help at the end. So here was my day, everyday for a whole year with Seth.

6am : Wake up, get dressed. No shower, I always showered the night before, no time for showers in these mornings!
6:30: Wake Seth up, give him his Synthroid, get him dressed.
6:45: Pack a 25lb Seth in the Ergo baby carrier while I was wearing dress clothing and carrying a 10lb bag full of lesson plans and textbooks for my classes.
7am: First bus. Notice I said first.
7:20: Second bus, feed Seth a banana or something equally nutritional on the bus for breakfast. Feel lucky if I got a seat, otherwise all of this is happening standing up.
8am: Drop Seth off at my college Early Childhood Center.
8:05 Run across campus to catch the bus to the school that I was student teaching in.
8:40: Arrive at school and start teaching for the day.
12pm: On Mondays and Wednesdays I would rush back to campus for my class. It was a great class, really enjoyed it.
2:45: Pick Seth up from daycare.
4pm: Arrive home.
5pm: On Tuesdays and Thursdays I would rush back to campus for my night classes. Yes I said it, night classes. Not one, two of them.
10pm: Home again. Dinner.
11pm: Lesson plans.
12-1am: Homework, essays, journals, all that jazz.
1am: Pass out on the couch from exhaustion after taking a shower.

Sundays I had class as well for those naysayers who said I had the weekends free. WHAT WEEKENDS???? Oh and not just one class on Sunday, two. Two Sunday classes. Oh joy.

So there it is. I physically and mentally and emotionally wore myself out for a year. I never thought I could do it. I can't even tell you about the times that Seth got sick or we both caught pneumonia and Seth was hospitalized or the fact that we managed to do a sleep study and a bronchoscopy and still make it to all of his doctors appointments. It's all a blur. It really is. Add in all the therapies and holidays and . . . well it's not something I ever want to do again.

But the point is. . . I did it. I did. I carried a 25lb kid who still wasn't walking - my back protests now, it didn't then, I don't think I gave it a chance to, I would have probably sucked it up and still went on. The only time I faltered was the pneumonia, I called out for a week and rested up.

I couldn't tell you what my house looked like, what we ate, how I ever did laundry or went shopping or any other that. I truly don't know.

I know one thing though . . . I was victorious!!!!!!!!!!!


  1. That is most definitely something to be VERY proud of!!! Congratulations to you on that achievement!