Monday, May 6, 2013

forgiveness

I forgive you. I let go of all the hurt and pain and anguish that my heart and soul have been through for the last year. I forgive myself for caring, for allowing myself to stoop down to your level. I forgive you for not telling me you were no longer in love with me. I forgive you for hurting me so much. I forgive you for ruining part of Seth's childhood.

I forgive you for ruining every Mother's Day and birthday I have had for the last ten years. I forgive you for every time you raised your voice at me or cursed at me or made me feel less than human. I forgive you for all the ER trips I made with Seth alone...I forgive you for not being there for every sleep study and surgery and doctors appointment.

I forgive ten years of hate. I forgive ten years of anger. I forgive ten years of walking on egg shells. I forgive ten years of abuse. I forgive ten years of cooking and cleaning and laundry and not being treated with a shred of decency.

Andrew, I forgive you.

I won't forget. I won't go back. I will continue forward. Forgiveness is not something you will ever be aware of. . .just me. You don't deserve forgiveness but I deserve to be mentally and emotionally free of you so I'm granting it.

There is no revenge, no grandiose plan to make your life a living hell, though I could if I so wished, just forgiveness and indifference.

You don't matter in my life any longer. You hold no power of me. The best revenge I can seek is the one who have already inflected on yourself. . .

You are alone. You are lonely. You are a man who is completely dependent on a woman to have a functional life. You are sat and pathetic and weak and I was your scaffolding for too many years. Without me you have crumbled. Without you I have flourished.

There will always be a small space in my heart for you...but it doesn't have to be in my head as well.

Goodbye Andrew.

1 comment:

  1. Hi I'm Heather! Please email me when you get a chance, I have a question about your blog! LifesABanquet1(at)gmail.com

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